I’ve been having more fun that a person ought to with What Would I Say?, which takes things you said on Facebook and rearranges them.  Most are totally nonsensical, which I suppose says something about me, but there are some surreal little gems in there.  Here are some of my favorites.  Self-deprecating commentary is italicized. 

Ma francais est tres, tres, mal, sauf a la vie est bien!  This is true on so many levels, right down the the fact that there is a grammatical error in  sentence about my miserable French skills.

I can’t wait to try to do it

I love dairy more than A few hours staring at art depicting children. I do love dairy, but I suspect you knew this based on the title of my blog.

I love to drive home and I have loved elaborately folded table napkins.  These two don’t make much sense together, but are both true nonetheless.

elaborately folded table napkin

Isn’t it lovely? Credit: luigisnapkins.com

Antoine’s father and my super Troupers from Markham brought a bonus.

Go ahead. Indulge. Perhaps I sell Dove chocolates, because this really sounds like some of their ad copy.  This is an odd career choice, as I really don’t like chocolate.

Stephen Hawkins, take my niece Alyx a real moon rock.  It’s a simple request, really.

We weren’t for the world. They don’t understand us!  I’m not sure who we are, or who they are, but we weren’t for the world!

You might look like the wall paper. I will use this in dialogue in a piece of fiction I write someday.

The bill was controversial. I’ll let you plan it, Dana!

It’s just like my family tree further in history.

This is really a Midsummer Night’s Dream.  No.  It’s really not.  You’re watching American Horror Story, Coven and you’ve come to the scene where Gabourey Sidibe’s character meets the minotaur in the garden.

I love wishful thinking.

Either way, it’s a major strategic victory for now.

The bill was Gatti’s, I think.

I love the shot of Cadillac Ranch covered in snow.

Cadillac Ranch covered in snow.

I had to GIS this one, and I really do love this shot of Cadillac Ranch covered in snow. Credit: pictorymag.com

They were out of Mirrors.

Easyjet would work to get it. Ryanair’s just lazy.

I love to, but I’m in Boston.

I’m in charlotte, but I’ll deal.  My Facebook subconscious must prefer Boston to Charlotte.

Maybe if I moved, though I am addicted to education.  This is true.  I’m not sure what the question is, but this is a pretty good answer to it.

I can’t afford to impress people.  Well, yeah, this is true.

My inner geography geek could play with spreadsheets.  …but she wants to play with maps.

Here is my hero!

I love seeing where Da Vinci designed.

jumping up and down at Clos Luce

Here I am jumping up and down at the place where da Vinci designed. Well… he lived there, so I bet he designed some things there.  Credit: Laura Annab

I’m in linguistics research at SXSWedu.  I’m super smart like that.  You can tell because of the excellent command of French I displayed earlier in the post.

The bill was controversial. I’ll let you know some dates. Apparently I post a lot about controversial legislation.  The phrase “The bill was controversial,” pops up most frequently.

This is what’s going on the sky. Just take a paintbrush to the atmosphere, why don’t you?

She is something.  She’s certainly not nothing.

Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Joyeux Mardi Gras à tout le monde. Either parallel universe me is getting ahead of herself, or the parallel universe has a very strange liturgical calendar.

I love this

I’m in a flat blocking the pope from Manu.

Additionally, he is what Justice Scalia wants to tie up  I’m not sure which Manu I’m referring to, but these two sentences make me concerned for his welfare.  If the pope and Scalia are after you, I can’t do much to save you, dude.

I think we’d make up

Someone made an insufferable geek. …and that person was my mom (this is why I don’t do standup comedy).

I love helping her Texas peeps very much.

NASA has a peppermint pig.  …and why don’t they share it?

It’s just the hill behind the cathedral gathers shadows. spooky!

I love the new job tomorrow. no comment.

Round two in Chicago at about 100 degrees outside, please? I would never ask for anything to happen when it was 100 degrees outside that did not involve turning the air conditioning to the coldest possible setting and refusing to leave the house.

Rob knows she lives in Arromanches, where Da Vinci designed. “where Da Vinci designed,” was another big phrase for me, apparently.  I enjoyed touring chateau where he lived while working for the French king near the end of his life, but it was in Amboise, not Arromanches. 

Will you be really happy I came upon this? I dunno, ask the reader(s).

I can’t wait to be the joke at the end. Yep.  This is me.

I love you forever.  Awwww…..  

crying face rage comic

My Facebook got scrambled and it eventually came up with “I love you forever.” I mean, I realize it’s the equivalent of 100 monkeys on 100 typewriters, but …. awww…. Credit: Reddit

Bonus: This is not a sentence, but it might be the worst Wheel of Fortune “Before and After” puzzle solution ever.

I love you should feel bad.  You tell ’em, Vanna White.

I love you should feel bad

Credit: atom.smasher.org.


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